The Devil Tesla’s post about Duke Nukem Forever started me thinking about how people have been reacting to the various announcements about the game. I started wondering what exactly the reaction would be if the game let you choose between having men, women, or both as the objectified characters. I realize that this is very much an “apples and oranges” kinds of comparison, but I do think that it’s interesting to consider.

What if you could choose who would be objectified? How exactly would that change the game? From a gameplay standpoint, it wouldn’t, as both men and women can be shot at, flirted with, or slapped on the butt, so no matter what the character models looked like, the game would play exactly the same. As far as storytelling goes, it would make a slight difference, as Duke’s sexuality would change. Though, I’ve got this wild hunch that the story in Duke Nukem Forever isn’t going to be all that deep or intricate, and would work just as well with either gender as the recipient of Duke’s attention.

With this change, there would certainly still be some people who were offended. The usual suspects who object to LGBT content in video games would scream that not only does the game feature premarital hanky-panky between heterosexuals, it also features those gosh-darned homosexuals, too! There would probably also be some guy who’d complain that Gearbox was not properly catering to straight, male gamers. And I’m sure that there would be some people from the LGBT community who’d be upset about stereotyping. However, while I’m sure that there would probably still be a few people upset about the game’s treatment of women, I imagine that it would certainly be fewer people. After all, the game would be an equal-opportunity objectifier.

Sure, you could say that by objectifying both men and women, it’s being twice as bad, and the game shouldn’t be objectifying anyone. However, it wouldn’t feel like a Duke Nukem game if it weren’t absurdly over the top and reveling in its juvenile content. Any game that uses the “kick ass and chew bubblegum” line is clearly not taking itself seriously. So, given that the over the top, self-parodying type of humor is so integral to what makes the game feel like Duke Nukem instead of any other FPS, why not go all out and let the player decide who they want to objectify?

Still, it’s unlikely (to say the least) that Gearbox will include an option like this in the game, as it’d be the kind of addition that would increase development time without actually helping sales. But if someone does wind up making a game mod that allows men to be just as objectified as women, I’m sure I’d give the mod a try, because it just sounds too hilarious to pass up. That, and if I’m going to be playing a game with excessively juvenile fanservice, it might as well be excessively juvenile fanservice that I can appreciate.